Critical Spirit. The Little Things. Relational Injuries.

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Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. – Romans 14:13

 

At times we don’t feel respected.

At times we don’t feel being cared for.

At times we stepped on the other person’s feelings.

At time we brushed each other the wrong way.

At times unkind words lashed out heedlessly hurtful and regretted later.

At times we get disappointed.

 

Crowded schedules. Money pressures. Communication problems. Midlife crises. Emotionally inaccessiblity. Insecurities. Fears.

And there’s never time to talk. Disconnected.

When you do talk, frustrations stirred instead.

Our own share of human frailties in one way or another irritate the other. All those little things sank your heart like the Titanic.

Difficulties in relationships arise out of unresolved relational hurts, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and when they are not dealt with, those little things become issues themselves. Eventually, they grow to become relational injuries.

 

The 7-key checklist of relational injuries:

1. Acceptance in love or expectation?

(a) What is your expectation of the other person whom you are relating to?

(b) Has your expectations get too much in the way?

(c) When he/ she failed to meet your expectations, do you withdraw?

 

All of us are made different, and grow differently as well, the first step is learning to discover “What do you want?” When you let your expectations get too much in the way, it may pave the way to idolatry in your heart. When you truly love someone, you accept the person as who he/she is, not what you think he/she has to be. Remember, no one is perfect, including yourself. Even God loves and accept the way you are but, He is not done with our flaws yet. Acceptance comes with true love.

“Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” (Romans 15:7 NLT, second edition).

 

2. Responding in love or rejection?

(a) Have you been sensitive with your words and actions?

(b) How do you responded to someone even when you feel lousy?

(c) What is your language of love?

As a picture says a thousand words, so do your words and actions painted that as much. It is often contradictory why you can be patient, gentle, kind and understanding to the people who are not close or dear to your heart, but you often the “ugly split-personality” when you are with your loved ones- you are not so patient, you get angry and upset, you often lashed out unkind words, you get frustrated easily and you feel unappreciative towards them and they often get your cold shoulders. Have you ever paused for a moment the emotional injuries you have done? Consider why your dear ones have been a “punching sandbag” than a “hugging pillow” to you, it makes a whole world of difference when you spend time to share what is bothering you than to throw them around like cold turkeys. Just as you thought the other person is disconnected, chances are you, yourself probably haven’t been emotionally accessible either!

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2

 

3. Finger-pointing to edify or tear down?

(a) Do you always point out the other person’s faults more than you readily label your own?

(b) Have you first seek to understand the whole situation and put yourself in the other person’s shoes?

(c) Do you demand changes from the other person?

The attitude of “That’s your problem, not mine!” is deceptive- don’t you have a part to play too? Put yourself in a scenario in a court room where you stand in as a prosecution witness in a difficult case. During cross-examinations by the Defence Attorney (DA), he will try all ways and means to pull you down by finger-arrowing your credibility and character flaws, the more you tried to defend yourself, the heavier the onslaught of verbal abuses. And you left wounded by his hurtful insinuations and unjustified judgement. Are you one who is such a Defensive Accuser (DA)?

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

 

4. Giving up your rights or demanding your rights?

(a) “Why should I?”

(b) “I expect you to be… …”

(c) “I have the final say!”

If you struggle with this area, you may have problems with pride. When one is full of himself or herself, he/ she always think himself/ herself is better than the other, thus it is hard to relinquish his/ her own rights. They usually struggled in accepting people who give them problems and who are weaker than them spiritually and emotionally. This category of people are very protective of their rights cos they always think they are right. Their expectations fall in line to what they think it should be and how he/ she should be, they are never understanding nor apathetic to consider how the other person feels or where he/ she is coming from. In any relationships, we are taught to be humble and submit to one another in reverence.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:!0) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NLT)

 

5. Shallow understanding or mutual understanding?

(a) Have you been communicating?

(b) How understanding have you been?

(c) Do you understand how a person’s background has some way influenced the way how he/ she think, feel and act?

How well do you understand yourself and the other person? Understanding is a crucial fundamental in all relationships to work, and it is paramount to foster better understanding through daily communication. In times of silence, there is tacit understanding too. Understanding the background of the person whom you are relating to, can give you a better and clearer picture how certain thoughts, feelings and actions can be triggered. For him/ her to understand you better, be honest about how you feel and what you think, instead of trying to do something to get his/ her attention. All of us think and feel differently, be open to share so that in each other you will learn something and know each other better to deal with the differences. All you need is a heart to listen.

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. – Romans 15:14

 

6. Pain and gain or close and strain?

(a) What is God teaching you through the other person?

(b) Did you apply what you have learn that God is teaching you?

(c) Are you avoiding the issues?

What is your approach- do you avoid pain or confront and gain? When you close in to a relationship, you strain it even more, the wounds may fester. And anytime when the same situations happen, it will playback the old scores. Unfortunately, the way to learn is often through unpleasantries. Pain is God’s Refining Fire.

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. – 1 Corinthians 1:10

 

7. Praying with an open heart or clenched fists?

(a) Have you been praying for a breakthrough?

(b) Have you pray for God’s ultimate control and His way in your relationships?

(c) Have you try praying together?

Prayers open door to miracles, for our God is a God of Transformation. Go to Him with all your emotions, surrender your rights and expectations at the feet of His throne. Look to Him first as He will lift you up in due time. He always leave the door open for those who are weary and wounded. He has a special place for them. He is always there in assurance. And He hears you and trust that He will do something. His love never fails.

Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. – Philippians 4:6-7 CEV

 

All relationships goes a long way, but take heart, all is not lost yet. Give each other space, take time to do your own reflections, pray about the issues, be honest with yourself, take time to share your thoughts and your feelings openly to the other person, confessed to each other your vulnerability and mistakes, discuss with each other how to overcome barriers so as to solve those nagging issues, last but not least, be committed to making healthy changes and mean it. It takes time and courage.

There may be someone in your midst who is hurting. It is always worthwhile to confront it than to take a passive stand, even though you have prayed and trust God would do something about it, but that does not mean we should be doing nothing! How can you reap the fruit when you never bother to sow the seed? God moves as you move, you never know till you try however difficult it can be but God will supply His Strength, Grace and Mercy to keep you through.

Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. – Hebrews 3:13

Keep at it, those little things CAN and WILL GO AWAY. Remember, forgiveness is a precious gift too. Don’t give up.

Faith Even On Rainy Days

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The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. – Psalm 37:23

A cell mate shared this beautiful Chinese song with me which lyrics resonated with every fibre of my being- I can relate to those times when I felt downcasted. In translating this song to English (though not literal), I hope to share this song to minister to those who need to hear it…

Song title: 祷告 (Pray)

– By Streams Of Praise

(Listen at www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YbBwg5B9Uk&feature=youtu.be )

 

祷告,因为我渺小;

Pray, because I feel inconsequential;

祷告,因为我知道我需要明了,你心意对我重要。

Pray, because I know I need understanding, to your Will as it is important to me.

祷告,已假装不了;

Pray, I can no longer pretend;

祷告,因为你的爱我需要;

Pray, because I need Your Love;

你关怀,我走过的你都明白。

You care for me, and know every path I tread.

有些事我只想要对你说,因你比任何人都爱我;

There are things I can only share with You, because You love me more than any one else could;

痛苦从眼中流下,我知道你为我擦。

Tears shed from pain, I know You will wipe my tears away.

在早晨我也要来对你说,主耶稣今天我为你活;

Come morning I pray, Lord Jesus I live for You today;

所需要的力量你天天赐给我,你恩典够我用。

I need Your Strength each day, for Your Grace is sufficient for me.

 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. (Psalm 139:2)

Even on rainy days, the Lord is near; Even in the pit, the Lord is there. He knows every details of our lives. He searches our heart and know our thoughts even before we could find the words to say. (Psalm 139:23)

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8A) The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever. (Psalm 121:7-8 NASB)

Keep faith. Keep going. Keep praying. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

The Value Of Giving Thanks

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I have learnt something very interesting in John 6:1-14 where Jesus fed the five thousand people. I am sure many us may processed the passage like this:

1. 5 barley loaves of bread and 2 small fishes how to feed 5000 people? Like the disciple Philip, we think it is not possible.

2. Philip has wanted very much to keep the portion to themselves (the disciples) and ignore the needs of the rest.

3. How impossible it is to have 12 basketful of leftovers!

4. Jesus created a miracle of multiplication!

It is nothing unusual as we are well acquainted that God is the God of the impossible- He is more than able to create miracles; He makes a way when there seems to be no way.

But, I would like to shed a light to verse 11-13Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

Here’s the catch: Jesus GAVE THANKS (emphasis in caps) for the little, and the 5000 people had enough to eat!

(You can also cross reference to Matthew 15:29-39 where Jesus fed the 4000 with just 7 loaves of bread and few fishes- Jesus gave thanks.)

So I have learnt that giving thanks is a key to multiplication! Such is a power of an attitude and heart of thanksgiving in prayer.

Giving thanks:

1. Releases God’s providence- MULTIPLICATION

2. Realigns our perspective on God not on our circumstances- GOD-FOCUS

3. Reminds us about the heart of our Heavenly Father- DEPENDANCE

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! – Matthew 7:7-11

Having said that, it does not mean God will multiply our material possessions whatever we desire. The miracle of multiplication is meant to advance His Purposes and to display His Glory. If you ask for cell multiplication or more souls to win, the Lord will most surely honour such a prayer. If you ask for a two-fold financial support — not on coveting personal abundance– so that you can run a business that bring Christian values to the world and impact lives for Him, surely God does not withhold?

Instead of focusing on the “little” (whatever that you have or are facing now), be thankful, count your blessings for what you have than what you do not have. Never forget to give thanks for what you are given, and in HIs time, He will bring about something beautiful.

Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, – Ephesians 3:20

It All Boils Down To Your Choice

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Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. – Matthew 5:37 NLT

We make decisions every day: what to wear, where to go, what to eat, what to do etc. Some decisions are no brainer, while some require wisdom. And our choices, good or bad, will determine the outcome; and the outcomes will determine whether your life be filled with abundance or with repercussions.

Oftentimes, our feelings dictate our choices more than what we know the right thing to do. And you made that final decision- your choice:

To do Quiet Time or not to do Quiet Time- it is a choice.

To join cell or not to join cell- it is a choice.

To attend church or not attend church- it is a choice.

To forgive or not to forgive- it is a choice.

To trust or not to trust- it is a choice

To serve or not to serve- it is a choice.

The question is, what determines your choice?

Anything vacillating in between, is considered “evil”, in other words, “excuses”, because they are the result of being double-minded. To quote a scenario- I am sick, so obviously I should stay home to rest and decide “No” to any activities, as opposed to, I will see how and decide later how my mood is, then I will decide if to head out or not. In James 4:8, it says, “Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” So the crux of the matter is the matter of the heart- how your heart is where your choice will be.

When we entertain “if” or mete out certain conditions to making our decision, is also considered “in-between”. For example, “if God do this for me, then I will listen to Him”, in other word, manipulating God in “deciding your choice” to be “yes” or “no” is considered “evil”.

We have to first DECIDE in our mind and just put to action, our heart will then follow. It is not the other way round when you FEEL like it, for our hearts are deceitful above all things else.

And of course, certain big decision have to weigh with wise counsel (Cell leaders, mentors and elders) or Body of Christ (for collective confirmation from Holy Spirit / God)-

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14

Be wise, tune to the Holy Spirit living in you, (or weigh with the Body of Christ) and make the right choice that honours God.

Just Believe

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(Jesus says), ”Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.” – John 14:1

A conversation with an ex-collegue who is also a Brother-in-Christ last Wednesday, left me in rumination… “Your job is simply to pray and to just BELIEVE. It isn’t your job to find out what God is doing in your life, nor to question His Sovereignty over why things happened as such… You just have to do your part to pray and keep praying, and simply to believe and take God’s Word as it is. You should pray like you believed!”

I was then led to the verse John 14:1 and a new light was shed- Ever wonder why Jesus repeated, “believe also in Me” when He already encouraged us in the preceding line, “believe in God”, since He is God Himself?

Perhaps to most of us, God seems too abstract a concept to grasp, and He seems like a super-cosmo being that is hard for us to feel or hear Him, let alone to see Him. We have to admit that we are physical being who need to see, feel and touch real things. That is why Jesus has to remind us that He is God in a physical form too- He came in flesh, and scooped down to our level to relate to us so that we can see, hear and feel Him. In other words, through John 14:1B, God is conveying a few key messages:

  1. God in the flesh is REAL AND NEAR so that we know He can emphatise with our present

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; SEE my hands. REACH OUT your hand and PUT IT INTO MY SIDE. Stop doubting and believe.” – John 20:27

God is our refuge and strength, an EVER-PRESENT help in trouble. – Psalms 46:1

  1. God in the flesh arose as an OVERCOMER so that we have the same Hope and Victory

(Jesus says), “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.” – John 16:33

  1. God in the flesh is the immutable “I AM” so that we can be assured of His unfailing Nature

“Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was born, I AM” (John 8:58). “I AM” is a powerful reminder on the nature of God- “I AM” the Almighty God, nothing is too hard for me (Jer 32:27); “I AM” Jehovah-Jireh who provides for your every need (Philippians 4:19); “I AM” the Divine Healer who heals (Exodus 15:26); and the list goes on…

Jesus Christ is the SAME yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) The bible has recorded uncountable miracles that Jesus did in the past, and He will not stop performing those miracles now or in the future. We need to fall back on such history to remind ourselves, forgetful human beings, what God had done and has promised. God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)

Last but not least, imagine that Jesus posed a question personally- “Do you finally believe?” (John 16:31), and how would you answer?

3 “T”s & “P”s

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A conversation with my business partner caught me in rumination when she posed a point-blank question, ”Poor thing, you have yet to fully recover from your last physical setback that Satan keeps battering you again through your family… Your battles very intense… But mind if I ask, are you upset with God?”

While walking home that night, it brought to mind a friend’s recent message that her husband reminded about me when he heard Pastor Sara preached a sermon during G12 Conference on hardships or trials. He told my friend that Pastor Sara had highlighted that it takes someone of “superior quality” to be able to go through trials, so I am made to be able to withstand…

Not sure if that is a compliment or affirmation, but I know one thing for sure- No point to ask the whys, no use to throw pity parties, I just have to live one day at a time, enough faith, strength and bread for me to go through day by day. At least I am thankful now to be able to “hear” Him after a prolong eight months of spiritual darkness. Today, a new revelation dawned upon me with this verse:

Devote (commit unceasingly) yourselves to prayer, being watchful (the devil is waiting at the door) AND (in addition) thankful (to give thanks in all things).- Colossians 4:2

One keyword that I didn’t notice in this verse since my 15 years as a believer, is the word “thankful” (in addition). We all can understand that it is hard to be thankful in bad times, but being thankful is the will of God (1 Thessalonians 5:18), because thankfulness change our hearts, perspectives, and attitudes.

The take home point is,

“Because you have prayed to Me… (Isa 37:21b).”

God hears.

Prayer is a direct line to God,

It moves the Supernatural Hands of the Almighty;

That will always intervene over the natural.

God rules & reigns.

Therefore,

Turn your burdens into Prayers;

Tune your spirit to Praise;

Thrust yourself to Providence.

Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11:24

praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, – Ephesians 6:18

Are You Really A “BELIEVE-VER”?

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(A) Jesus said to her (Martha), “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”- John 11:40

(B) I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. – Mark 11:24

The Keys……

(A) Believe first then you see.

(B) Believe first then you will receive.

Synopsis

Faith, belief, and trust are all translated from the same root in Greek in the NT, some form of ‘pistis’. Whereas, unbelief, doubt, etc, are all derived from the same with the prefix a-.

The Idea……

Is Believe = Faith?

You must be believe that something must exist in order for you to believe.

Faith is putting something you believe and trust in. You can’t believe in something you do not have faith in, right?

Believe = accept (receive favorably) as the truth, whether have proof or no proof

Faith = act upon this belief (the truth, whether have proof or no proof) even though you do not see

When you believe in a lie, you will naturally inclined towards it.

Having faith means, you need supernatural power to overcome this belief which is a lie.

Consequentially, when you believe in the truth, you will naturally act upon it. Having faith means, it is a spiritual empowerment for believing this truth when you have yet to see the result.

The Scenario……

Imagine yourself going to perform an acrobat- treading on a thin rope. You were told that all safety precautions have been taken care of, including a pool of people stationed below to stand by should you trip. You believe the professionals have done their part. You believe you can do it after rounds of practice. You trust that the rope will not snap and that the people below will catch you when you fall. You have faith that  all will be well. (It will be good if you put God in the picture.)

Take Home Points……

For belief to be faith, it must act on what is true, irrespective of circumstances nor how you feel. So, what do you believe in? That is where you have to realise where do you place your faith in: Yourself, others or God? Because the object of your faith will determine the outcome.

You call yourself a believer because you believe there is God right?

How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? – Romans 10:14A

So how about what God promises in His Word, do you truly believe?

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.”- John 14:1

When you know the truth, the truth will set you free (John 8:32). Because you know it is the truth, it is up to you to believe. But when you believe, then you can have faith even if you can’t see anything yet. The key emphasis here is BELIEVE. Knowledge processes in our mind; Believe comes from the heart (Romans 10:10); Faith comes from hearing, when you hear, you can choose to believe or not (act upon what you believe in), consequentially, your faith depends on what you believe in.

Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”- John 20:29

And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; – Mark 16:17

Reflection……

Unbelief is a heart issue: The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. Humble ourselves: Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24 

  1. You have been seeking God about something, but somehow over time you have stop believing or praying… Identify the cause.
  2. How or what do you think you should do in order to see different result on what you are seeking for this year
  3. Take an inventory of your spiritual health: Identify the areas that you fall short of so that you can overcome.